A couple of days ago John told me about a dream he had, and it seemed pretty clear to me that it wasn’t just a dream. In his dream our little boys were playing in a huge room and above them was a large door (in the ceiling?) with demons swarming around it. The demons were harassing the boys as they played. John wanted to protect them and stop the attacks, so he lifted up his hands, praying, and stood beneath where the demons were, drawing their attention to him. As he did this, the pressure got more and more intense, pressing back onto his hands, but the demons slowly began to retreat. Every time the pressure got really bad, he stepped away, and every time he stepped away, the demons gained back some ground. Then, when he stepped back under the swarm, with raised hands praying, they retreated again and the pressure from their attacks was not as great. Eventually I and my mom came to help him. (Note: John told me this dream a couple of days ago, and I’ve tried to write it as I remember it, but it may not be quite right. I’ll have to get him to read it.) That’s all he remembers, but it seemed pretty obvious to me that this is his life. Our family is being attacked (I don’t know if this is part of the medical issues the boys have had, or if it’s more that every time John starts trying to be consistent in his life that he gets sick or something throws him off). John, like Moses, raises his hands and prays (basically rekindles a consistent relationship with God), fighting back (being persistent in doing the things he needs to do), and the battle swings in his favor, the enemy retreats. But the pressure is still there. It doesn’t get easier right away because the enemy is furious, so the attacks in his life continue because now it’s focused on him and not on the children. But if he steps away, if he quits fighting and stops doing what he should because he’s tired, then the enemy regroups and starts attacking the children again. I think that the bit at the end is that it will take help to fight. Just like Moses’ arms were held up by Joshua and Aaron (not quite sure if those names are right), John needs help to hold his arms up until the battle is won.
Psalm 30:11 You have turned my mourning into dancing for me. You have removed my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness, One thing I learned yesterday is that the Hebrew idea of vision is to look at what God has done in the past and align myself with that. It’s like rowing a boat. You face backwards, but go forwards. This is interesting because I’ve had lots of pastors say that you should face forwards and forget what’s gone before. This is a very Greek way of thinking. However, the Hebrew people believed that a person could only go forward if he or she looked at what God had done in the past and then used that to set the course of the next part of the journey. That, to me, is interesting. It makes a lot of sense. But I get stuck. I don’t have a problem looking back and remembering where I’ve seen God working. How do I use that to plot my course though? Of course, here I fall back into the Greek mindset of wanting to know what’s going to happen next and controlling my world. One thing I’m finding is that when a person is immersed in a Greek mindset and taught a Greek mindset from birth, it’s really difficult to try and think in a different way. Yet, You, O Lord, are holy. God knows my heart and its motivations. He knows that I am honestly trying to seek Him and know Him. He knows my weaknesses and my difficulties and the way I think. I don’t think He’s angry at me for not thinking with the right mindset. He knows I try. He cares most about my heart and my motivation and my love. Those He has. And I’m sure there are times when He watches me, gently shaking His head with a soft smile on his lips, as I sort through all these new ideas… and He loves me. He gathers me up in His mighty arms and gives me a quick hug before releasing me to think some more. The Hebrews believe that God, above all things, loves His children and is completely holy. If nothing else, that is what I want to remember. If I can truly remember and believe that God LOVES me, then everything else falls into place.
Ezekiel 1: 26-28 26 Above this surface was something that looked like a throne made of blue sapphire. And on this throne high above was a figure whose appearance resembled a man. 27 From what appeared to be his waist up, he looked like gleaming amber, flickering like a fire. And from his waist down, he looked like a burning flame, shining with splendor. 28 All around him was a glowing halo, like a rainbow shining in the clouds on a rainy day. This is what the glory of the Lord looked like to me. When I saw it, I fell face down on the ground, and I heard someone’s voice speaking to me. Ezekiel saw God. What else can I say? A long time ago, right before things in my life went crazy, I felt the presence of God next to me holding me and surrounding me. It was completely overwhelming. To this day, I still get choked up when I think about it. If I get that way over the mere presence of God, I can’t even imagine what it must be like to actually see God. It makes me wonder, would I be bold and courageous about delivering an unpopular message? Would I trust God because I’ve seen Him and know His awesomeness? Would it completely change my life or would it be something that would eventually just be another memory? I hope I would speak out obediently and trust His protection. I hope I would be changed so completely that my life would be a beacon of light to those around me. I can only imagine.