This morning I am reminded to live what I speak – that God is holy and faithful. I’m in the middle of transitioning from one job (from which I just resigned) to another (where I have the signed offer, but much of the paperwork has yet to be finished), and things have just seemed to go wrong all over the place… I can’t find this paper that they need, then I have multiple accounts with different socials so I have to send in other papers explaining and proving which is me… it goes on. All of this in the midst of trying to prepare for two completely different classes than I have been working on all summer. And I find myself getting worked up, worrying, over these details. Yes, they’re important to me. But God is holy and faithful. He is in control, even if things seem chaotic. I need to remember to stop trying to hold onto things with a death-grip; I need to let go of my control (I use that term, control, loosely, as lately I don’t think I have any). I need to trust Him to work these details into place. I am not aware of the battles that go on in the unseen realms of our world. Thankfully, He has already won the war, and He is stronger than anything in this world. Psalm 119:132 Look upon me and be merciful to me, As Your custom is toward those who love Your name. Mercy is one of God’s attributes. Mercy here is favor and graciousness towards someone. Turn towards me, O God! If I turn away from someone I am angry at them; they have been condemned by me; they disgust me. How horrible when God turns away because of my sin! Yet He is full of mercy and abounding in love. As the author points out, it’s His custom, His manner, to be merciful to those who love His name. It’s part of who He is. And who loves His name? Those who are obedient to His commands (Torah). The very next verse asks for God to direct my steps according to His word and to keep sin from dominating my life. If I am obedient to Him, if I know His words, it will be much more difficult for sin (wickedness, evil, mischief) to control my life. So, I need to know His words. And I need to obey Him. The rest is up to God.
Numbers 19:6: “And the priest shall take cedarwood and hyssop and scarlet yarn, and throw them into the fire burning the heifer. And I was curious what the scarlet yarn was, probably from my experiences with Campus Crusade growing up and The Scarlet Thread. So I began to hunt. I check the Hebrew, but it just has scarlet (although the word for scarlet implies the thread from the spider from which it comes) – no actual material is mentioned. So then I looked at the dictionary aids… no scarlet, just the heifer, cedar and hyssop. Finally I looked at the commentaries, and I found one by Ray Stedman called “Numbers: An Incomplete Life.” [1] It doesn’t have anything about the scarlet either, but he did say something interesting: In Numbers we have dramatically set forth what is perhaps the hardest lesson a Christian has to learn—to trust God instead of his own reason. That’s so true! One of the hardest things to do as a human being is to stop trying to figure it all out. Often God asks us to do first, and understand (maybe) later. As He asks Job, who are we to question Him (Job 32:8)? Reasoning things is such a Greek way of thinking. Trust is much harder. Trust implies relationship with someone we believe has our best interests in mind. It’s really hard to trust someone we don’t know (think of politicians…). How can we trust a God we don’t know. Ah, and there’s the crux of the problem. We don’t know Him because we don’t search for Him. We don’t take the time from our insanely busy schedules to know Him more deeply. I still don’t understand the scarlet as part of the sacrifice for the waters of the impure, but I will keep seeking. Scarlet is seen so often throughout the Bible, usually in association with God or events that save or rescue. It seems to me that there is a reason what it had to be burned with the cow. No accidents. [1] Stedman, Ray. “Adventuring Through the Bible: Numbers, the Incomplete Life.” Blue Letter Bible – Commentaries. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 May 2010. <http://www.blueletterbible.org/commentaries/comm_view.cfm?AuthorID=9&contentID=30&commInfo=2&topic=Numbers&ar=Num_19_6>.
Some days I feel like that’s so true. No matter what I do to make something turn out the way I hope it will, ultimately my plans are foiled. It seems like lately I’ve been learning that no matter how hard I try, it’s not enough. Or at least it doesn’t seem to be enough. Isn’t that what God wants though? His purpose is important but He’s primarily interested in the journey – how I get there. I won’t ever know the destination, but it’s how I get there that causes me to grow. So, lately I’ve been learning a lot about trust. The last few days have been especially difficult. Not so much difficult to believe that God has a purpose and that He’s got it all covered, but I struggle with thinking about things too much. I have a tendency to run things over and over and over in my head. It drives me nuts! I think it’s called worry. This is especially true when I feel like I’ve hurt someone or been misunderstood in my intentions. In my heart I know that this is in God’s hands, too, and it’s not a surprise. But it’s really hard to turn off my brain. I’m learning to trust Him with financial issues more than ever. Sometimes it seems counter-intuitive, that when we have so little and when we don’t know when more will come, it’s then that I want to give the most and when I realize how much God is in control (and how little control I have). I begin to see that living now and trusting God for then is a part of the process. Skip made an interesting point on an mp3 I listened to – that no matter what way I turn, the future is always behind me (I can’t see the back of my head) – think of the rowboat analogy (we’re rowing in a river of time, but to row forward we have to face backwards). The main thing I struggle with here, is how do I know I’ve aligned myself properly with what God’s done in the past, so that I am headed in the right direction? In Hebrew it’s about the movement, and even waiting is an active verb. So my question is, if I’m supposed to keep moving while I wait, how do I do that? When God called Abraham out of Ur, He didn’t give him directions to the next stop. He told him to go to a place “I will show you.” So did Abraham just pick a random direction and start walking? That’s the implication. But how does faith like that translate into my life today? What if I’m walking in the total wrong direction to get wherever God wants me to go? Or maybe, it’s not so much that God has a physical destination in mind. Maybe no matter what direction I go He is there and will use the journey and the wandering to make me more like Him. Maybe God didn’t have a final destination for Abraham. Maybe it was all about the fact that Abraham went. And in going, God was able to mold Him character. Anyway, that was a rather long bit of rambling. Such have been my thoughts lately – disorganized and a bit of a shambles. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. Until then I will walk in the path I am on and trust that if I come to a dead end sign, there’s another path branching off that I will be following next. Blessings and peace!
Psalm 28:7 (HNV) The LORD is my strength and my shield. My heart has trusted in him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart greatly rejoices. With my song I will thank him. I found a new version of the Bible on the Blue Letter Bible that I use when I read online. It’s called the Hebrew Names Version. I think it’s also called the Messianic Jewish Bible. It uses common Hebrew phrases in the place of some of the words. I also found a really cool tool – I can look at the Hebrew text and see what the words are in Hebrew. However, the salt of this is that the translation I get for the word is just that, a translation. It isn’t the image associated with the word, and sometimes our translated equivalent isn’t quite right because it takes a paragraph to really get the word’s true meaning conveyed. But, it’s interesting nonetheless. I found when I looked at it that “therefore” isn’t used. According to the Hebrew text it just says “My heart.” After listening to Skip’s teaching on the Hebrew World View I’ve also learned that leb (the Hebrew word for heart) doesn’t just mean our literal heart; it also means the mind and emotions and spirit. So, the heart that rejoices here is really the writer’s whole self. Maybe the “therefore” is implied because of the placement of the phrase? I went back and tried to match the symbols they had for each word with the picture of the textual sentence and also noticed that there seemed to be words that weren’t translated (or maybe they were variations on the translated words given – due to tenses or placement). And, the words weren’t necessarily translated in the same order as the original text (at least that’s how it seemed to my VERY untrained eye). I’d imagine that if I actually learned Hebrew, then a lot of these issues would go away because I would understand the grammatical side of things (like, for example, the Hebrew way of writing puts the important stuff first and the less important stuff later). Anyway, all the technicalities aside, I like the image here. God is a shield, my strength. A shield does nothing on the floor, and cannot protect me if I choose not to stand behind it. It’s the same thing with God. He loves me and wants to be my shield, but I have to choose to stand in His protection. That means two things – first, I have to be close to Him so that I am surrounded and within the radius of the shield, and two, I have to trust that shield not to let anything through. I think that’s a lot of the point of knowing God. Stay close to Him, be where He is, work where He works, and trust Him, that He is Holy and good and loving. When I start wandering off to look at rabbit trails and daisies, I get hurt because I’m no longer under the protective shield of God. Similarly, when I don’t trust Him I’m likely to try to find something else to shield myself with (not a good idea because nothing is as strong and true – I’m ultimately building an idol) or I’m likely to try and start dodging bullets out in the open (how I figure this is a better plan is beyond me). I think a lot of my tendency to move away from my shield stems from a desire to be in control (a Greek mindset) and a failure to recognize and truly understand the nature of God and His love for me. And maybe that is much of the purpose of reading His Words and listening to His voice – to learn and understand who He is (or at least as much as my fragile mind can handle).
Psalm 31:3 You are my rock and my fortress. For the honor of your name, lead me out of this peril. Psalm 61:2a From the ends of the earth, I will cry to you for help, for my heart is overwhelmed. Psalm 91:5-6 Do not be afraid of … the disaster that strikes at midday. Psalm 91:14-15 The LORD says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. Psalm 31:15a My future is in your hands… Psalm 31:19 Your goodness is so great! You have stored up great blessings for those who honor you. You have done so much for those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world. I am overwhelmed, a little crushed, and a little fearful. When unexpected hurdles rear up right in front of you creating an insurmountable blockage, what can you do? Me? Remember to breathe. Pray really hard… and finally realize that God is more glorified in the most challenging of circumstances than He would be if everything went like clockwork. If everything was easy, where would be our need to cry out to Him? There would be no need for miracles, and fewer opportunities to see His hand at work in the situation. However, if you take an already difficult event (like our Gala) and throw in a few twists and turns and last minute tangles… Well, then you have the basis for God to come in and do something awesome, something super-human, something only attributable to Him. For all the world to know and for His glory, what are a few little kinks in our human plans? We have the God of the Universe, the Way-Maker, the Almighty Lord Most High on our side. He saw the problems before we even began planning. And He knows the solution already, too. So what more is there to say? God, have your way. Please make a way where there seems to be no way. Work miracles, please. Glorify Your name.
Psalm 56:4, 9 O God, I praise your word. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me? … On the very day I call to you for help, my enemies will retreat. This I know: God is on my side. Today I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by everything that I need to get done in the next week. There are a lot of important tasks that I’ve taken on (at least important to me), not so much because I was asked but rather because they bugged me (not necessarily anyone else) and I’m the only one who can fix them, or because they were my idea and past history has shown that if I let someone else do them, they’ll won’t turn out the way I want them to and I’ll be disappointed (and because I’m so particular, I’ll end up redoing them anyway). But that’s my own personal issue, and I’m okay with that. This verse, is great. First of all, it worships and praises God and the words He gives to us. I believe that this project, this school, is a word from God. It’s a dream and a desire placed in us by Him. Last night at our meeting, one of the other board members shared some things he learned in a devotional he got. One of the things was that when God gives us a desire or a dream we should go for it. Don’t be afraid of it. That’s what got the servant who buried his talent in the ground in trouble. He was afraid of his master so he never used the gift. Our Master is our Father and He loves us and gives each gift to be used. The other lesson was that we should be passionate about our dreams. If we’re not passionate, then why should God be passionate about helping us achieve them? This was from the story of Elijah, the king, and some arrows. The king was told to hit the ground with the arrows, which he did, but he only did it a couple of times. Elijah scolded him for his half-hearted attempt because if he had been more passionate about it then God would have completely destroyed the enemy. However, since he only hit the ground a couple of times the enemy was not completely destroyed (and I’m guessing the king died or was taken prisoner, but I can’t remember). Anyway, good lessons. Back to the verses… so Praise is due. But also, when I get afraid and overwhelmed, I should remember that God is on my side, what can mere mortals do? I love that part about mere mortals. It’s such a great reminder that relative to God and His power, we’re pretty puny. God is on my side. And the very day I call for help, God begins to work. The very day! Not several days later… That very day He begins to move mountains. He is for me. He is for the dreams He plants in me. He is by me every step of the way. So, my conclusions are that my God is AWESOME! He plants dreams and stands by me, helping me, as I jump into those dreams with courage and passion. Hang on! It’s going to be a wild ride!
Galations 2:20 I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. This is one of those verses that is very deep and is often quoted in Christian circles. The part that caught my attention today wasn’t the first half, though, but the last. I live… by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me… I like that. This week it’s really been rough for John (and me by default). It seems that everywhere he turns something is crashing down or falling to pieces. Yesterday it was the schedule that he had written at work, as several people called in last minute and he was left scrambling to cover their positions. Before that it was an irate guest and a demanding client. At his work, only he and his supervisor are the only ones that haven’t been fired (or quit), so it feels like the rope is fraying and it’s just a matter of time before they get replaced, too. At home things are touchy and kind of like egg-shells. We are truly in the hands of God right now. But for His mercy, John would be unemployed and we would be in big trouble. We (or at least I) live by trusting God to provide for us each minute of each day. And He’s been so faithful to put people in our lives who love us and give us opportunities to make up the differences. He loves me. It’s such a simple statement, but it’s so profound. And it makes all the difference in the world. If He didn’t love me, nothing would matter. It’s His love that keeps the sun rising and setting. It’s His love that protects me and my family. It’s His love that provides for us. It’s His love that holds me through rough times. I am blessed by His love. I am blessed to still have a job when so many are unemployed. I am bless to have such a wonderful husband and children. I am blessed in so many ways. And it all starts with His love.