“Then you will delight yourself in Adonai, and He will give you your heart’s desire.  Commit your way to Adonai; trust in Him and He will act.” Psalm 37:4-6

There are two verbs here that stuck out to me: give and act.  They have something in common.  Neither have anything to do with me!  My usual thought is to ask God, pray about something, and then do something, maybe “helping” it get going.  I give the situation to God, and then I act, assuming that I’m doing what He wants me to do.  But these verses are pretty clear.  HE gives and HE acts.  All the action that involves doing is done by Adonai, not me.

So what am I supposed to do?  Sit there?  Well, yes, sort of.  I have to delight in Him (trust, settle in the place He puts me, and feed on His faithfulness), and I have to commit my way to Him.  I have to believe and trust.  Trust is inaction in action.  I can believe and then do nothing about it, acting contrary to my “beliefs,” but trust implies that I act on my trust (or in this case, not acting, but rather waiting an allowing Him to act, which I believe will be a good thing because I delight in Him and He loves me).

Once again, my actions are unnecessary.  God does the acting.  God does the giving.  I don’ t need to “help” Him.  I just have to release control, let it go, and find joy in the One who loves me with a passion that is unfathomable!  And that is amazing!

“Trust in Adonai, and do good; settle in the land, and feed on faithfulness.  Then you will delight yourself in Adonai, and he will give you your heart’s desire.” Psalm 37: 3-4

The first time I heard this verse, it didn’t have the “then” in it.  It just said to delight myself in Adonai. Sounds good!  Let’s go!  But, wait…  what does it mean to delight myself in someone or something, especially in God?!  Then I realized there was a missing word.  The statement I had heard so often was part of an if-then cause and effect chain!  It tells me how to delight in Adonai!  IF I trust in Him and do good, IF I settle in the land (the promised land… the place He plants me), IF I feed on faithfulness, THEN I will delight myself in Adonai.  It’s about trusting, settling (which implies that I’m being still, staying where He puts me, and working in the place and on the tasks He gives me), and feeding on faithfulness (which sounds like I’m surviving and growing by relying on and remembering His faithfulness… which, in turn, should grow faithfulness in me).  So, it’s not just a matter of *poof* delighting.  There are some things that I do that create delight.  And that delight has its own reward, that He gives me the desires on my heart (which, incidentally, if I’m doing what I’m supposed to, will line up with God’s purposes for me).  That’s pretty awesome!

Becoming A Vessel Of Honor*

I call Him a liar when I don’t act on the truth that He states.  For example, if He says He forgives us, and then we act like we’re still under condemnation, then we call Him a liar.  More challenging, if He says that He gives us authority and armor so that we can stand against the attacks of the enemy, and we don’t use it or we question if it works, then we call Him a liar.  I struggle with this a lot.  I wonder if He delivers me when He says He does, I wonder if He will provide when He promises He will, I wonder all kinds of things even though they’re things He promises.

So do I believe Him?  If I say I believe Him, do I act as though I believe Him?  Do I trust His word and live out my redemption, my deliverance, my provision?

Ouch.

What about you?

Exodus 16:3

The people of Isra’el said to [Moshe and Aharon], “We wish ADONAI had used his own hand to kill us off in Egypt!  There we used to sit around the pots with the meat boiling, and we had as much food as we wanted.  But you have taken us out into this desert to let this whole assembly starve to death!”

Before we get to the main point, let’s put this verse into context.  God had just finished defeating the gods of Egypt, had lead His people out with all the gold and silver of the Egyptians, and had opened the Red Sea for the people of Isra’el to walk through (and had washed away the Egyptian armies when the sea closed back again).  And He had just provided water for them to drink by having Moshe throw a piece of wood into the bitter water, turning it sweet, and then leading them to a beautiful oasis with 12 springs and 70 palm trees.

Reading this, it seems incredible and ridiculous that the people of Isra’el would so quickly forget all the amazing things that God had done in order to get them to this point!  But, isn’t that what we do?  We forget.  We forget the ways that God has provided for us in the past.  We forget the ways He has rescued us from sticky situations. We forget the miracles that He has worked in our lives.  We just forget.  We aren’t all that different from these people.

I think this story in the Bible is there to remind us that God does provide.  It’s easy to think, “Man!  These people were ridiculous!  They kept doubting and testing God!”  But, that’s missing the point. The story isn’t there to make us look down on the people of Isra’el.  It’s there to make us examine our own lives.  How many times have I seen God meet my needs in awesome (and sometimes miraculous) ways, and then the very next time I have a need, I panic.  I forget what God has done, and I start stressing out.  Granted, I haven’t seen anything like the Red Sea parting, but I know God’s hand has been in other parts of my life.

That’s the beauty of the Bible.  We may forget, but it’s there to help us remember.

So, what’s the point?

The next time a need arises, or the next time when the situation seems overwhelming.  Look back at those times when God pulled you through in the past.  He’s not going to bring you this far and then abandon you!  The Hebrew view of time is to walk backwards into the future, always looking at the past, and using the signposts of God to guide the directions we need to go.  We don’t know the future, we can’t see what God is about to do, but we can see where He’s been and the things He’d done in our past.  And we can use that to remind us to trust Him.  Faith is a verb.  Look back and remember.  Then move forward with confidence that our God is bigger than any problem we’ll ever face.

Psalm 91:2

I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Trust.  That’s a tough word, I think.  It’s easy to say I trust God, but sometimes I certainly don’t act like it.  The word used here is “batach” and it means to be bold, to be confident, to feel safe, to be careless (think unguarded or without cares).  That’s a lot more clear than trust.  Trust is like love in our society.  We throw it around much that it loses its meaning.  Or it just becomes this vague Christian concept like grace and salvation.  We use those words all the time, but don’t really understand the significance behind them.

I am not bold.  I am not always confident, not do I always feel safe.  I am certainly not careless in the sense that I am without worries or cares.  If I judge my trust of God by my actions, then I would have to say that I don’t trust Him.

But how do I actually become bold and confident?  How do learn to feel safe?  How do I live without worries?  I can’t simply ignore life.  And it has to be more than words.  I think, ultimately, that this is something that God has to do inside me.  I wonder if He gets tired of me asking.  I wonder if He ever things, “Good grief child!  I’ve done so much already!  How can you not trust me by now?!”  I don’t know what my answer would be.  I am human and I am full of foolishness.  Yet, He is holy.

Holy and Faithful One, help me to trust You and to live in that trust;  not with timidity, but with boldness; not with uncertainty, but with confidence; not with fear, but with a knowledge of safety in You; not bowed down with worry, but bowed down in worship.

It’s funny how a song sticks with me.  This one is a verse and a song and this morning it’s running through my head.  Last night, my husband went to the emergency room with a severe case of diverticulitus.  That wasn’t fun, especially considering that we don’t have insurance right now.  Nor do we have the ability to pay for COBRA (and then I remembered that it wouldn’t matter if we did have COBRA because we decided to just cover the boys in the interim between insurances).

I think there’s a drama queen side of me when it comes to situations like this.  I know that God has been faithful in the past and has never let us down.  Yet, I still find myself getting all upset and even a little angry.  Why now instead of next month (which is after my insurance kicks in)?  Why us at all?  Why do my boys have speech delays and autism when we tried so hard to make sure we were being healthy and doing the right things, and other people who smoked and didn’t take much care have perfectly “normal” children?  Of course, the flip side is, why are my children so healthy when other children have life threatening illnesses…  and that puts it back in perspective.  Why does it seem that we can never get ahead financially?  There are so many questions that really don’t have answers.

Then, of course, I’m reminded that it’s not about me having all the answers or knowing how it will all work out.  The control-freak side would love it if it were though.  Strangely John was much more logical and trusting than I was.  Usually, I’m the calm one.

He’s still sick, and I’m still totally unsure about how on earth we’ll pay any medical bills.  If he doesn’t get better, and if he requires surgery, I have no idea what we’ll do.  But, maybe that’s God teaching me that it’s not up to me to be in control of everything.  I have no choice but to walk by faith.  I’m in the wilderness.  I’m walking slowly.  I’m slightly terrified, but also exhilarated and curious to see what He’ll do to get me through.

Commit your way to YHWH, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:5 (Hebrew text)

Today’s post by Skip Moen really struck a chord, so I’m directing this post to that one.  If you read my response to the post (below), you’ll see why.  It’ll make more sense if you read his post first, though.  Read more…

Here’s my response:

This is timely! I’m marked, having willing chosen His ownership (though I make a mess of obedience sometimes), but I’m struggling with the remembering the reliability part (trust). I accepted a new position and resigned my old job, but since then everything has gone crazy – missing paperwork, two sets of profiles with different social security numbers (slip of the finger, I guess… I don’t even remember making it), people who don’t answer their phones or call back and seem happy to take their time in the process, and it goes on… There is SO much riding on the quick and successful completion of this process (like being able to feed my family – literally), and it just seems like molasses. I KNOW that God has been faithful in the past. Yet, I am struggling daily to breathe and not freak out.

Yesterday, I was re-listening to an mp3 in the Hebrew Worldview series and Skip talked about Yeshua’s purposeful delay in going to see Lazarus when he was sick (dead, really) so that the miracle would be undeniably God’s. I feel like I’m there – 4 days later waiting for a miracle, waiting for salvation – reinforcements when the battle seems lost.

So, this is a good word to remind me that I have committed myself to YHWH. I am still learning to trust, I guess, but I must continue to give up the control I crave, even when it’s scary (terrifying, sometimes). He is goodness and faithfulness, and they cannot be separated from Him. Breathe, remember, trust, peace. I am not in control, my owner is.

I commit my way to YHWH, I trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

Yeah God!

Psalm 119:132

Look upon me and be merciful to me, As Your custom is toward those who love Your name.

Mercy is one of God’s attributes.  Mercy here is favor and graciousness towards someone.  Turn towards me, O God!  If I turn away from someone I am angry at them; they have been condemned by me; they disgust me.  How horrible when God turns away because of my sin!  Yet He is full of mercy and abounding in love.  As the author points out, it’s His custom, His manner, to be merciful to those who love His name.  It’s part of who He is.  And who loves His name?  Those who are obedient to His commands (Torah).

The very next verse asks for God to direct my steps according to His word and to keep sin from dominating my life.  If I am obedient to Him, if I know His words, it will be much more difficult for sin (wickedness, evil, mischief) to control my life.

So, I need to know His words.  And I need to obey Him.  The rest is up to God.

Numbers 19:6:

“And the priest shall take cedarwood and hyssop and scarlet yarn, and throw them into the fire burning the heifer.

And I was curious what the scarlet yarn was, probably from my experiences with Campus Crusade growing up and The Scarlet Thread.  So I began to hunt.  I check the Hebrew, but it just has scarlet (although the word for scarlet implies the thread from the spider from which it comes) – no actual material is mentioned.  So then I looked at the dictionary aids… no scarlet, just the heifer, cedar and hyssop.  Finally I looked at the commentaries, and I found one by Ray Stedman called “Numbers: An Incomplete Life.” [1]

It doesn’t have anything about the scarlet either, but he did say something interesting:

In Numbers we have dramatically set forth what is perhaps the hardest lesson a Christian has to learn—to trust God instead of his own reason.

That’s so true!  One of the hardest things to do as a human being is to stop trying to figure it all out.  Often God asks us to do first, and understand (maybe) later.  As He asks Job, who are we to question Him (Job 32:8)?  Reasoning things is such a Greek way of thinking.  Trust is much harder.  Trust implies relationship with someone we believe has our best interests in mind.  It’s really hard to trust someone we don’t know (think of politicians…).  How can we trust a God we don’t know.

Ah, and there’s the crux of the problem.  We don’t know Him because we don’t search for Him.  We don’t take the time from our insanely busy schedules to know Him more deeply.  I still don’t understand the scarlet as part of the sacrifice for the waters of the impure, but I will keep seeking.  Scarlet is seen so often throughout the Bible, usually in association with God or events that save or rescue.  It seems to me that there is a reason what it had to be burned with the cow.  No accidents.

[1] Stedman, Ray. “Adventuring Through the Bible: Numbers, the Incomplete Life.” Blue Letter Bible – Commentaries. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 May 2010. <http://www.blueletterbible.org/commentaries/comm_view.cfm?AuthorID=9&contentID=30&commInfo=2&topic=Numbers&ar=Num_19_6>.

Isn’t that what God wants though?  His purpose is important but He’s primarily interested in the journey – how I get there.  I won’t ever know the destination, but it’s how I get there that causes me to grow.  So, lately I’ve been learning a lot about trust.  The last few days have been especially difficult.  Not so much difficult to believe that God has a purpose and that He’s got it all covered, but I struggle with thinking about things too much.  I have a tendency to run things over and over and over in my head.  It drives me nuts!  I think it’s called worry.  This is especially true when I feel like I’ve hurt someone or been misunderstood in my intentions.  In my heart I know that this is in God’s hands, too, and it’s not a surprise.  But it’s really hard to turn off my brain.

I’m learning to trust Him with financial issues more than ever.  Sometimes it seems counter-intuitive, that when we have so little and when we don’t know when more will come, it’s then that I want to give the most and when I realize how much God is in control (and how little control I have).  I begin to see that living now and trusting God for then is a part of the process.  Skip made an interesting point on an mp3 I listened to – that no matter what way I turn, the future is always behind me (I can’t see the back of my head) – think of the rowboat analogy (we’re rowing in a river of time, but to row forward we have to face backwards).  The main thing I struggle with here, is how do I know I’ve aligned myself properly with what God’s done in the past, so that I am headed in the right direction?

In Hebrew it’s about the movement, and even waiting is an active verb.  So my question is, if I’m supposed to keep moving while I wait, how do I do that?  When God called Abraham out of Ur, He didn’t give him directions to the next stop.  He told him to go to a place “I will show you.”  So did Abraham just pick a random direction and start walking?  That’s the implication.  But how does faith like that translate into my life today?  What if I’m walking in the total wrong direction to get wherever God wants me to go?  Or maybe, it’s not so much that God has a physical destination in mind.  Maybe no matter what direction I go He is there and will use the journey and the wandering to make me more like Him.  Maybe God didn’t have a final destination for Abraham.  Maybe it was all about the fact that Abraham went.  And in going, God was able to mold Him character.

Anyway, that was a rather long bit of rambling.  Such have been my thoughts lately – disorganized and a bit of a shambles.   Perhaps tomorrow will be better.  Until then I will walk in the path I am on and trust that if I come to a dead end sign, there’s another path branching off that I will be following next.

Blessings and peace!