Psalm 105:19 Until the time came to fulfill his word, the LORD tested Joseph’s character. This entire Psalm is a historical account of how God kept His promise to Abraham and Jacob to give them the Promised Land. It all started when there were just one or two men who wandered around the countryside. And then God sent Joseph (he was kidnapped and sold into slavery, remember? No first class accommodations there!). God spent a long time testing Josephs’ character when Joseph was in jail for something he didn’t do. Those loooooooong periods of time when we feel like we’re trapped (imprisoned) by life might be those times when God is testing our character in preparation for the next period. If God had never humbled Joseph and taught him the lessons he learned in prison then he might have become a proud and contemptuous ruler instead of a wise and caring leader. I doubt it was fun being in prison though. Their prisons probably make our prisons look like the Ritz Carlton. Anyway, the rest of the song recounts how the Israelites grew in number until they were like the stars, fulfilling the promise made to Abraham. They were enslaved because the Egyptians grew afraid of their power and great numbers. In their oppression, they didn’t try to rebel (that we know of) and if God hadn’t sent Moses to stir the pot they may have continued in slavery there forever. But God was only half-way done. He turned the Egyptians against Israel and hardened Pharaoh’s heart. And then He led them out of slavery. One thing I noticed is that when they left, not only were they loaded down with silver and gold (the slaves became rich), but “there were no sick or feeble people among them (vs. 37).” That’s pretty remarkable considering the conditions they were probably living under. And God eventually fulfilled the second promise, the one He made to Jacob to give the people the Promised Land. He would have fulfilled that promise sooner, too, if the Israelites hadn’t been so stubborn and unruly… but that’s for another time. God’s promises don’t always get fulfilled immediately. Sometimes it takes a generation or more to see their completion… but just like with Abraham and Jacob, God keeps His word. Sometimes it just takes some testing of character to get it all started.
I went to the dentist today to get a filling repaired, and I came out with a new diagnosis – that instead of a filling repair I need a crown – for about $500 more than the price of the filling (after insurance)… needless to say, we don’t have that kind of money, and don’t foresee having it in the near future. So, I was driving home, frustrated and discouraged. It seems like every time we get a little money in the bank to start paying down the debt we’ve accumulated through stupid decisions, numerous doctor and hospital visits/stays for our sons illnesses and allergies, and circumstances that were unavoidable, every time something happens and we end up with a medical emergency – like Kai ending up in the hospital twice with RSV (within a 2 month time span) or Gavin needing surgery for ear tubes and adenoids. Now, granted, each time we’ve had the funds – tax refund, teaching summer school – so God has been faithful there… but still… Anyhow, I felt like God asked me, “Do you trust Me?” I wish I could say that I immediately answered, “Yes, Lord, I trust you!” But, honestly, I don’t know if I do. My answer was, “I don’t know. I don’t think there’s any choice but to trust you.” It’s like Peter when he stepped out of the boat. In our case the boat is already taking on water and sinking slowly. So, I could step out of the boat and risk sinking by trying to walk on water, or I could stay in the boat and sink. Either way, I’m getting wet. At least if I step out of the boat, there’s a chance I could walk on the water first. That sounds horrible – to not be sure if I trust God. Especially after I’ve seen Him do a lot of things. Yes, I know He’s real and He’s here by me. Yes, I know that He has lots of power and can do anything He wants. But, no, I’m not sure He’s going to help me in this situation. It seems like over and over and over when it seemed like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, a solution or a lifevest thrown to us, it was snatched away. I keep hearing stories about people who are obedient to Him, who tithe, who pray, etc. and He does amazing things – like miraculously meeting their needs. And, I know there are consequences to our choices no matter what our reason for making them, and He’s not always going to mitigate those consequences. It just seems like He’s doing so many miraculous things and helping other people out, but it’s always for OTHER people. I know and believe that He loves me, but I don’t know if I trust that He’ll do it for ME, for MY family. That’s sad. I wish I could say, “Yes.” What will it take for that to be true? Is letting go of any (lack of) control and hoping that God will take care of things (especially since there’s nothing I can do anyway), is that faith and trust? Is it like in Indiana Jones when he steps off the cliff trusting that there will be a path to catch him (and there is, he just can’t see it from his perspective). That could be a lot like this situation. I don’t have an awesome ending to this. It’s like my other crisis of faith. Last time I chose to let go and live what I believe – that God IS real and He does love me. This time I have to decide – Do I trust God? And, what exactly does that mean? How is that manifested in my life? What will my answer be next time He asks, “Do you trust me?”
No, not God – us. Ecc. 3:18 says “Then I realized that God allows people to continue in their sinful ways so He can test them.” So, essentially He allows us to be stubborn and stupid and sinful. Sure, there are consequences which teach us, essentially, that to do things our way isn’t as fun as it seems and doesn’t work quite the way we anticipate. (Boy! Have I learned that lesson a million times… when will it finally sink in?) We learn that we can’t do life alone without God. And, hopefully, the next time we have the opportunity to do things our way or His, we’ll choose ours. And if we do stupidly or ignorantly go down our own path, hopefully, we’ll realize it sooner and turn back faster. Of course, Solomon thought it was so that we knew we were no better than animals… so maybe I’m overanalyzing things! LOL!