Psalm 63:1

A Psalm of David, [fn] when he was in the wilderness of Judah. O God, You are my God; I shall seek You [fn] earnestly; My soul thirsts for You, my flesh [fn] yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

This should actually read:

A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah. O God, You are my God; I shall seek You early, seek you early; My living being (all of it – mind, body, soul, etc.) thirsts for You, my flesh longs for/pines  for You, In a dry and weary land without water.

In Hebrew when a word is repeated it’s done to emphasis something.  In this verse the word for “seek early” is repeated twice giving the word added significance.  It’s not a casual looking for something.  It’s a hunt, it’s serious and in depth, it’s passionate, and somewhat desperate.  Seek seek.  Look hard!

The wilderness is any place where a person can’t support themselves.  It’s where the only way to survive is for the grace of God to intervene.  It’s not necessarily a desert, although it does help to see it that way.  Yeshua is the living water.  Imagine the Dust Bowl in the 1930′s.  I’d imagine that when it rained it was glorious!  People would probably want to dance in the streets instead of hiding inside.  Water was desperately needed to grow food.   Water gives life, and without it, we can’t live very long (I think it’s three days that a person can go without water). Skip describes the wilderness like this [1]:

The wilderness is a very important piece of geography in the Bible. We think of it as the place of the temptations. That makes it Jesus’ problem; one which he, being God, overcame. But if we think of the wilderness only in mythical terms as some battleground between Satan and the Christ, we have robbed ourselves of a great truth. The wilderness is not the territory of Satan’s evil empire. The wilderness is God’s home.

The Spirit drove Jesus into the wilderness. The Spirit took Jesus to the place where God could be found to offer all the sustenance Jesus needed before Satan arrived at God’s doorstep. The wilderness is the place of refuge, not of battle. Why? Because the wilderness is the place where I must confront my powerlessness.

When Israel left Egypt, God kept them in the wilderness for forty years. They could have marched to Canaan in a few weeks. There were much shorter routes. But they were not ready to possess the Promised Land. They had slave mentalities. God needed to reconstruct their thinking. And He did that by showing them what it is like to live in His house.

Daily bread from the hand of God. No planting. No harvesting. No storage barns. Living water from rocks. No wells. No cisterns. No canteens. Victory over enemies. But no fortresses, no shock troops, no military prowess. What was it like living in God’s house? It was complete powerlessness under the authority and reign of the Lord of Hosts. It was learning the truth of “Be anxious for nothing”. For forty years God provided what life needed. Food, shelter and security. An entire generation’s worth of daily lessons.

In our wildernesses, do we learn those lessons or do we sit down and give up?  Do we seek seek God?  Do we crave Him and His living water?  Or do we become dried out husks because we refuse to go on the hunt?  Have we become so accustomed to being dry that we don’t even realize how desperate our situation has become?

Seek seek Him.  Drink of His living water, His life-giving water.  His words.

[1]  Moen, Skip. “Dead Ends.” Hebrew Word Study | Skip Moen . N.p., 10 Sept. 2009. Web. 30 May 2010. <http://skipmoen.com/2009/07/10/dead-ends/>.

Numbers 20:5

and why hast thou brought us up out of Egypt to bring us in unto this evil place? no place of seed, and fig, and vine, and pomegranate; and water there is none to drink.

I think it’s a little crazy how often the Israelites forget why they’re wandering in the wilderness.  Okay, maybe crazy, but I do the same thing.  Here the Israelites blame Moses and Aaron for making them wander around in “this evil place.”  Funny, they also led them to the Promised Land, but the Israelites refused to enter…  How often does God bring me to a place or opportunity that He has for me, but I refuse to go in out of fear or uncertainty?  Or I am continually disobedient in an area and require some training…  which may involve walking through a dark valley.  I have a tendency to blame God and ask why He makes me go through this kind of thing.  I forget my role in everything – that I asked to be more like Him or that I chose disobedience, or that I didn’t want to enter a situation that seemed too big for me…

Also, it may seem the wilderness has nothing to sustain me, but that’s not necessarily true.  I may not be able to find or provide sustenance, but it’s not about me – God can provide in any way that He wants, even miraculous ways.  I don’t walk the wilderness alone.  I don’t provide for myself.  God is there in the silence and the emptiness.  The very quiet of the desert and the lack of my own provision is the opportunity to hear God and to allow Him to provide for me.  I am totally dependent on Him and He has another chance to show me (again) how incredible He is.

The Woodcutter’s Wisdom
by Max Lucado

Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before—such was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.

People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend?” The man was poor and the temptation was great. But he never sold the horse.

One morning he found that the horse was not in the stable. All the village came to see him. “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your horse. We warned you that you would be robbed. You are so poor. How could you ever hope to protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. No amount would have been too high. Now the horse is gone, and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”

The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can you judge?”

The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”

The old man spoke again. “All I know is that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”

The people of the village laughed. They thought that the man was crazy. They had always thought he was a fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, an old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it. He lived hand to mouth in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.

After fifteen days, the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him. Once again the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke. “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”

The man responded, “Once again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? You read only one page of a book. Can you judge the whole book? You read only one word of a phrase. Can you understand the entire phrase?

“Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is a fragment! Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t.”

“Maybe the old man is right,” they said to one another. So they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild horses had returned with one horse. With a little bit of work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.

The old man had a son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.

“You were right,” they said. “You proved you were right. The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer than ever.”

The old man spoke again. “You people are obsessed with judging. Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment. Life comes in fragments.”

It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded, because he was injured. Once again the people gathered around the old man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken. There was little chance that they would return. The enemy was strong, and the war would be a losing struggle. They would never see their sons again.

“You were right, old man,” they wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Your son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”

The old man spoke again. “It is impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows. Say only this: Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not. No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God knows.”

The old man was right. We only have a fragment. Life’s mishaps and horrors are only a page out of a grand book. We must be slow about drawing conclusions. We must reserve judgment on life’s storms until we know the whole story.

I don’t know where the woodcutter learned his patience. Perhaps from another woodcutter in Galilee. For it was the Carpenter who said it best:”Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Mt. 6:34)

He should know. He is the Author of our story. And he has already written the final chapter.

From In the Eye of the Storm
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1997) Max Lucado

I’m a little scared because we have two little boys, one of whom has autism and has a lot of medical needs and another that is on a breathing treatment so he is able to breathe and so his lungs don’t get all scarred inside.  When I stop and consider them numbers and try to figure out how those numbers are going to work out, I almost start to hyperventilate.  We don’t use credit cards, so that’s not an option (and I really don’t want to get into debt again).  It all comes down to what David says in Psalm 22: Yet, You are Holy!

“Yet You are holy” is the phrase that keeps echoing in my head as I try and wrap my  head around everything that’s happening.  I know that John is INCREDIBLY relieved on one hand and INCREDIBLE concerned on the other.  In some ways it’s like being a baby bird and getting kicked out of the nest to practice flying.  It’s inevitable, but that doesn’t make it less intimidating.

Yet You are holy, Lord God, Jehovah, Adonai, Provider, Protector, Creator, Love.  Somewhere in the swirl of thoughts, I remember that God is good and loves me, that He knows my children and their needs, and that this is a huge opportunity for Him to glorify Himself through our weakness.  And, it’s not about where we’re going.  Only He knows that.  It’s about where we’ve been.  Looking back I see that He has always provided for us.  And just as the Israelites remembered how He had provided for and cared for their forefathers, I need to remember how He’s provided for and cared for me.  So with that in mind, with every breathe, I pray “God help! Yet You are holy!”

Psalm 22:3 (HNB)

But you are holy, You who inhabit the praises of Yisra’el.  Our fathers trusted in you. They trusted, and you delivered them.  They cried to you, and were delivered. They trusted in you, and were not disappointed.

Psalm 104:28

When you supply it, they gather it. You open your hand to feed them, and they are satisfied.

In this Psalm, the writer (who isn’t David) is speaking about the creatures that God has made and how they are in awe of the Lord their Creator.  The thing that caught my eye was the word “satisfied.”  They are satisfied with what they are given to eat.  They don’t ask for more or turn up their nose because it’s not what they wanted or as good as they wanted.  They are satisfied with what God gives them.

Dictionary.com defines to satisfy as: to fulfill the desires, expectations, needs, or demands of; to put an end to (a desire, want, need, etc.) by sufficient or ample provision.  Ample provision.  That’s what we all want.  It’s what God does.  The reason we don’t always act satisfied is that God’s ways aren’t our ways.  Our ways tend to be bigger and more and shinier.  God’s ways tend to be more subtle (sometimes), gentler, and with thought to what is best for our souls.  He opens his hands and fulfills those needs sufficiently or amply.  The creatures He created know that, and they rest satisfied (a.k.a. content).  They don’t ask God why He didn’t give them more or why it wasn’t shinier or a different color.  They’re content with His provision.

Wow, I wonder how often I DON’T do this.  I think God answers my prayers a lot, but because it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for or wanting, I’m not satisfied and think that surely it can’t be His answer.  I ask for provision, and I have enough to buy groceries.  But I want enough to live in my own place instead of with a parent.  I ask for healing, and I see small improvements over time.  But I want a miracle.  Now.  I want things on my schedule, in my way.  It doesn’t work that way.  Maybe if I could be more content (satisfied) with the things God has given me, then He’d let me move on from this place.  But that’s really hard for me.  I’m selfish and, to some degree, self-centered.  It’s hard to take what I have and be glad about it when I want more.

God, I need help with this.  Help me to remember to be satisfied by what Your hand gives instead of turning my nose up at it if it’s not what I was expecting.  Bring this verse to mind when I’m tempted to wallow in self-pity about the situation I’m in or when I’m dreaming about more and bigger.  You know the desires of my heart.  Please help me to rest in the knowledge that Your ways are best and Your plans are perfect.  Thank you for all the many ways you provide for me and answer me already.  Amen.

2 Corinthians 9:8

And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others

Right now I’m holding onto this verse and others like it.  I get overwhelmed, and sometimes feel beaten down, by our financial situation (so does half the country, I imagine).  But God has faithfully provided for our needs over and over and over, sometimes in surprising ways.  For example, about a month or two ago our budget was short by around $500 or so… not a happy place.   John had done some work on the side and expected to make about half of what we needed from this job.  When we received the check it was for exactly how much our budget was short that month!!!  How cool is that?!  God does provide, but it’s easy to miss it or forget it.

Right now I’m working on the board of a new school that is being planned.  It’s so awesome and I’m SO excited!  Briefly, it’s going to be the first platinum rated “Green” school in the country.  But, most awesomely (is that a word), the entire curriculum that I am working on is based on project-based and experiential learning!  It integrates the students into their community as they learn, and it provides counseling centers and other services for both students and their families.  It is amazing!!!!    It’s a huge undertaking, and sometimes it seems like it will be impossible to get the funding we need to build this school (oh, and it’s not some fancy place that only a few really rich kids can go to… it’s affordable and we hope to scholarship anyone who can’t afford the TINY yearly fee – it really is tiny – like less than one month of daycare in my budget).  I have to remember that God knows all the details of our plan and already has everything we need provided for.  Trusting Him is where faith gets built.

But, one of the reasons He is so generous with us is so that we will be generous with others.  Hope Inspirational Schools wants to give back to the community in order to be an example to others, but also to provide an alternative for student who have difficulty learning in a more “traditional” manner.  I also know that while my family doesn’t have a lot to give, we do like to give.  There’s a joy that comes from knowing that you’re doing the right thing and that it’ll help someone.  Easy?  Not always.  Amazing?  Always.

If you’d like more information about this school, check out the website (please don’t judge based on how it looks – it’s VERY much a rough job and is in the process of being reworked).

Ecclesiastes 1: 8

Everything is so weary and tiresome! No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

I was listening to the radio (Z88.3) and there was a clip by Joyce Meyer (I think).  I didn’t really catch what the clip was about, but one thing grabbed my attention.  She said that we should learn to be content with less instead of always trying to get more.  Of course, that hit my heart.  I so often find myself trying to make more or get more and throughout this struggle God’s continually impressing things on me….  most recently reminding me that I should learn to be content with what I have, with less, rather than struggling to try and do more to get more.  This isn’t the first time He’s reminded me of this, either.   It’s hard to remember, especially when things are uncertain and life’s expenses take their toll on the budget.  And especially around Christmas when it’s so easy to want to do more for people.

So, I am reminded.  No matter what prospects are on the distant horizon, I need to learn to be content where I am and with what I have.  God has blessed me with so much, and He has so faithfully provided for our needs, just like He promised.

Daniel 1: 17

God gave these four young men an unusual aptitude for understanding every aspect of literature and wisdom. And God gave Daniel the special ability to interpret the meanings of visions and dreams.

Daniel wasn’t born with the ability to interpret dreams. He was given this gift when he needed it, when he was older.  Even though he was in captivity and in the service of a Godless king, God still blessed Daniel and equipped him for the job at hand.  He even gave him a special gift.

God loves us and prepares us when we need it.  He doesn’t do it in advance.  He waits until the time is right and the need is there.  Maybe that’s why it’s hard to trust sometimes.  We’d like to have it in advance, but God says, “wait.”  He provides it at just the right time, at the moment when we need it.  And it doesn’t matter the circumstances as long as we are walking in His will.

Philippians 4: 4, 6-7, 13

Always be full of joy in the Lord.  I say it again – rejoice!… Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus…For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.

I can see God up there smiling as I read this morning.  These verses aren’t anything new.  I even have them memorized.  But, for them to be part of what I’m reading this morning, when I’m trying not to worry, when I have a great need, when I greatly need peace, and when I have no idea how to be strong, is such a huge affirmation that God does care about my feelings and about the situations that I find myself in.

So, I will find joy in Him, I will thank him for His many blessings (and they are numerous), and I will tell Him what I need (or what I think I need).   He knows, He cares, and He’s got all the resources of this universe and millions of others at His fingertips.  He sends rain to thirsty flowers and gives food to hungry birds.  How much more does He love me and take care of me?  I can’t decide if I want to laugh or cry.  Yeah God!

I know that’s a lot to read and it’s a bit all over the place, but the messages here are so sweet.

1. I am chosen by God. He will not throw me away! The Almighty Infinite Creator of the Universe and all the incredibly, beautiful things in it, has chosen me. Out of all these things, He thinks I am the best! He won’t toss me away. He loves me passionately and I am exactly what He wanted!

2. There are so many bad things going on these days. I hate watching the news because it’s so depressing with people hurting each other, rape, murder, child abuse. My heart hurts, and I wish I could hide. I fear for myself sometimes and for my children. With the economy and our finances the way they are, I fear for our ability to provide. If I were to sit down and think about it, I could think of so many things to be afraid of. BUT, God says not to fear. No worries. He is bigger than any problem, more powerful than any criminal, more resourceful than any economy, and certainly smarter than anyone in power or “control” today! I loved reading these verses because they are such a beautiful reminder that I am not alone, that I have a strong, protective God who is watching out for me.

3. This was pretty cool – it isn’t until the people are thirsty, and not just a little thirsty – parched, that God comes to help them. I think that sometimes I search half-heartedly for what I want, but that’s not good enough. Getting what I need then can give me the impression that I can do it myself. Searching for water and finding small puddles to mitigate my thirst puffs me up because then I think, “hey, I found water. I can do this!” God waits until I am parched, there is no water to be found. I can’t do it on my own. I can’t provide for myself. I realize I am well and truly stuck. THEN, I am ready to understand that only God can do what I need him to do. God steps in and reminds me that He won’t forsake me or leave me to die. But He will wait until I stop trying to fix the world myself.

For example, John and I are in a tough financial place right now. We’re tithing and trying to be as obedient as we can be. And God promises to provide, to bless us, and to help us… so why aren’t things getting easier? Why aren’t the boys healthier? Why is there sometimes more month than money? And, I think, to some great degree, we aren’t parched. We’re tired and exhausted (literally, some days), but there have been small puddles in the desert. We have hope, but we’re not parched yet. When we are, when our tongues are sticking to the roof of our mouth, when there is nowhere left to turn, the God will come. He will answer. He will not forsake us. Maybe that time is close. I sure hope so. And until then, we cling to the promise that He will keep His words and that He will not leave us or forsake us, that He will bring blessings. He will open then a river in the desert, and a spring where there was no water before. Yeah God!