My time in the mornings is often so rushed, and my time in the evenings seems non-existent. Even though I have more time at home (in theory), it seems like there is less and that I’m always running and rushing. Of course, that could be due to the millions of papers I’m trying to grade… Anyway, I was reflecting today on how thankful I am for my position in this new school. What a difference in atmosphere! Sure, there will be issues, but so far I’m really loving it! And I realized how much God’s hand was in this whole mess from the beginning… especially due to some of the issues regarding my former employer. If the woman who hired me hadn’t had previous experiences with this man, I doubt I would have gotten the job. In fact, I probably wouldn’t have been able to get a job anywhere because of some of the things that were said. But, God knew this and put my in the path of a woman who’d been on the receiving end of similar shenanigans by him in the past, and she was willing to shake her head, ignore him, and give me a chance. What a blessing! God is good! On a side note, John was supposed to go and fill out the paperwork for this position that was promised him by a man high up in this particular organization… but when he arrived, the people had no idea what he was talking about. So, I don’t know if there’s been some confusion or if the whole thing will fall through. I know he’s disappointed because he was really excited about the prospects of this job. Yet God is faithful and Holy. He knows. Another step of faith. And… my grandmother had to have her leg amputated just below the knee. Although the surgery went well, the hospital floor where she is staying is awful. The nurses who work on it seem to have very little care for the comfort and wellbeing of their patients. My grandmother was in major pain after the surgery for several hours, and they did nothing to help her, allowing her to literally writhe in the bed until my mother finally got a hold of someone who could get them to give her something (which didn’t seem to help, unfortunately). I hope that today she can be moved to a floor with more caring nurses who are more willing to be kind to her and who won’t be rude to my mom who, even though she’s strong, was practically in tears last night. I would chalk up the nurses’ attitudes to a rough day or a fluke, but unfortunately my grandmother’s been on this floor before and they were rude and unkind then, too. Prayers would be appreciated.
A couple of days ago John told me about a dream he had, and it seemed pretty clear to me that it wasn’t just a dream. In his dream our little boys were playing in a huge room and above them was a large door (in the ceiling?) with demons swarming around it. The demons were harassing the boys as they played. John wanted to protect them and stop the attacks, so he lifted up his hands, praying, and stood beneath where the demons were, drawing their attention to him. As he did this, the pressure got more and more intense, pressing back onto his hands, but the demons slowly began to retreat. Every time the pressure got really bad, he stepped away, and every time he stepped away, the demons gained back some ground. Then, when he stepped back under the swarm, with raised hands praying, they retreated again and the pressure from their attacks was not as great. Eventually I and my mom came to help him. (Note: John told me this dream a couple of days ago, and I’ve tried to write it as I remember it, but it may not be quite right. I’ll have to get him to read it.) That’s all he remembers, but it seemed pretty obvious to me that this is his life. Our family is being attacked (I don’t know if this is part of the medical issues the boys have had, or if it’s more that every time John starts trying to be consistent in his life that he gets sick or something throws him off). John, like Moses, raises his hands and prays (basically rekindles a consistent relationship with God), fighting back (being persistent in doing the things he needs to do), and the battle swings in his favor, the enemy retreats. But the pressure is still there. It doesn’t get easier right away because the enemy is furious, so the attacks in his life continue because now it’s focused on him and not on the children. But if he steps away, if he quits fighting and stops doing what he should because he’s tired, then the enemy regroups and starts attacking the children again. I think that the bit at the end is that it will take help to fight. Just like Moses’ arms were held up by Joshua and Aaron (not quite sure if those names are right), John needs help to hold his arms up until the battle is won.
This is a morning where I am feeling a lot overwhelmed. My husband found out yesterday that he was let go by his company. Although it’s a bit of a shock, it’s not completely unexpected, especially in light of the new health care requirements. Faced with providing benefits for him and others in his position, there’s a chance that it was easier to reduce the number of employees rather than cut the profit margin. We don’t know because they didn’t say. I’m a little scared because we have two little boys, one of whom has autism and has a lot of medical needs and another that is on a breathing treatment so he is able to breathe and so his lungs don’t get all scarred inside. When I stop and consider them numbers and try to figure out how those numbers are going to work out, I almost start to hyperventilate. We don’t use credit cards, so that’s not an option (and I really don’t want to get into debt again). It all comes down to what David says in Psalm 22: Yet, You are Holy! “Yet You are holy” is the phrase that keeps echoing in my head as I try and wrap my head around everything that’s happening. I know that John is INCREDIBLY relieved on one hand and INCREDIBLE concerned on the other. In some ways it’s like being a baby bird and getting kicked out of the nest to practice flying. It’s inevitable, but that doesn’t make it less intimidating. Yet You are holy, Lord God, Jehovah, Adonai, Provider, Protector, Creator, Love. Somewhere in the swirl of thoughts, I remember that God is good and loves me, that He knows my children and their needs, and that this is a huge opportunity for Him to glorify Himself through our weakness. And, it’s not about where we’re going. Only He knows that. It’s about where we’ve been. Looking back I see that He has always provided for us. And just as the Israelites remembered how He had provided for and cared for their forefathers, I need to remember how He’s provided for and cared for me. So with that in mind, with every breathe, I pray “God help! Yet You are holy!” Psalm 22:3 (HNB) But you are holy, You who inhabit the praises of Yisra’el. Our fathers trusted in you. They trusted, and you delivered them. They cried to you, and were delivered. They trusted in you, and were not disappointed.
I wanted to post the sermon at my church (Discovery Church) that Jon Tyson “preached” yesterday. It was AWESOME! It was all about grace and how we’ve misinterpreted it, how the church has become known for its hate and intolerance instead of love, and how it’s not by faith that we’re saved but by grace. If I were to try and explain it, I would ruin it. So, I’ll post the link to Discovery’s media page for now, and I’ll post the link to the sermon when they get it up there. Plus, Jon Tyson’s from Australia so he’s got an awesome accent! :) Second, there’s a guy who leads worship at Discovery that sang a song he wrote and it’s AWESOME! Take a peek: The song’s called Saturate. I hope it spreads because it’s beautiful. Yesterday at church (yesterday was an awesome service!) our pastor (David Loveless) reminded us of the importance of speaking with God and relating to Him and praying to Him from different positions. He has us all kneel down and pray that way for a moment. It was a great reminder that simply kneeling before God has a way of focusing me and humbling me and allowing me to press into His presence more than if I’m sitting on my couch or bed or standing in the kitchen (and certainly more than if I’m chasing my little ones). He spoke briefly about how the Bible talks about praising God with our hands raised, or on our knees or faces, or with instruments, or with our voices, silently and out loud. And each of these methods brings something different to that moment. It was very cool. My amazing husband, John, went to an awesome men’s event at Discovery Church this past Saturday called the Better Man Event. He has a great time and met some wonderful guys (one of whom just appeared and disappeared but made a pretty deep impact on John). So, last night John actually came into our room as I was getting ready to go to bed and invited me to pray with him!!! It was SO cool! :) I was so proud of him and thankful for his courage in taking the initiative. Yeah God! And then he went to up his character points to 60 since the Mass Effect 2 game comes out Monday at midnight (and he found out that the main character, not only has the same first name as he does – John Sheppard, but they also share the same birthday, so that upped the awesomeness of the game for him a little more)… Children’s laughter. There aren’t too many things more awesome than children’s laughter. John was throwing Gavin and Kai last night and rough-housing with them right before we put them to bed (yeah, way to calm them down before bed, right?), and they were screaming and laughing and it was beautiful! No wonder Jesus said, let the little children come to me… I can totally see Him scooping one of them up and tossing them into the air as they screamed with delight. Cool pictures.
Matthew 4:22 They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind. This is a really cool verse. Jesus is walking along the Sea of Galilee one day and starts recruiting. First He calls Peter and Andrew, and then He gets to James and John. They’re sitting on the shore with their dad, talking and mending the fishing nets. Jesus calls them to be His disciples and this verse happens. They immediately jumped up and followed Him, waving a quick goodbye to their (probably puzzled) father. A couple of thoughts occur. First, did they know anything about Jesus when they were called? Where they that glad to get away from the smelly fish and tangled nets that they would follow anyone who offered something different? Probably not. Or did their hearts jump the way John jumped in Elizabeth’s womb when the Messiah was close by? This is more likely. But, Jesus was still pretty unknown. He had been baptised by John the Baptist and God had come down and spoken to Him. So maybe they’d heard about that. It’s interesting that they are so eager to leave everything familiar to them and follow a complete stranger. Second, they didn’t hang out and help their dad finish the nets. They left immediately. They didn’t wait or think about anything. Instead they grabbed their clothes and ran. We should be like that. I wonder how many opportunities I’ve missed because I didn’t drop everything and follow God when He called to me – the first time. I get so busy with life that I forget God’s call is higher than that. Sometimes I’m so busy, like Martha, that I don’t even hear Him calling me to put it all down and hang out with Him for a while. So, that’s my prayer today – that when I hear God calling I’ll drop it all and chase after Him. After all, He knows my life’s song. He should since He wrote it. And wherever He’s going is a place I want to be. Aside: that last statement is a little terrifying to write. It’s true, but its implications scare me sometimes.