Romans 8:26

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words.

I don’t know how this works.   I often feel I know so little, but isn’t that a trap, too.  Sometimes I wonder if God thinks, “Just shut up and pray!  Stop worrying about how much or how little you know, and talk to me!”  And then I get stuck because I know I’m not perfect, and I know there must be things I need to confess, but I can’t think of any (perhaps my brain is still asleep), and then I wonder if there’s something blocking my relationship with God that I can’t remember.  It’s a vicious, swirling mess.  And how often does it block my ability or desire to pray.

Here’s an interesting post on this very subject, oddly also from this morning (I really do think God is saying to “Just pray already!”):  Read it here.

Psalm 43:5

Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again– my Savior and my God!

I know that my husband is really feeling discouraged right now.  His job is chewing him up and spitting him out mercilessly.  He’s frustrated with it and is finding it difficult to work so hard every day without any appreciation or hope of added compensation or promotion.  And I totally feel for him.  Teaching is a thankless job where you work really hard with students (teens, in my case) who may or may not want to be there (and most of whom think what is being taught is pointless and stupid) and usually end up with a tiny salary and all the blame when students aren’t as successful as the state thinks they should be.  End of rant.

I know the feeling of frustration.  We’re in a position where our choices are incredibly limited.  We don’t know what to do to get out of the mud we’re in, and it seems every time a vine lands close to the pit, it snaps just as we begin to pull free, landing us right back where we started.

Faith tells me that God has a plan, even in this, and that He can work miracles because He has resources that we know nothing about.  Faith tells me to keep trusting Him because He can work all this together for good.  Faith also tells me that God is glorified in my weakness and that He is my strength when things are so tough and it’s hard to stand.

My mind and the rest of me doesn’t always agree.

But what else can I do?  When there’s nothing left to do except trust that this isn’t all there is and this isn’t the best there is, it all comes down to faith and what I believe about the God who made me and loves me.  Some days that’s easy.  Some days that’s hard.  I choose to believe that every day is one step closer to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Psalm 39:3

My thoughts grew hot within me and began to burn, igniting a fire of words…

How long does something burn within me before I finally speak?  Usually, too long.  It smolders until I am so frustrated that it comes out as an explosion and I say things that may hurt, even if they’re true.  I struggle with this a lot.  It’s hard for me to say things that are uncomfortable, even though they probably do need to be said.  But when I wait, stewing and going over and over the situation, sometimes my thoughts are clarified and sometimes they are  amplified and I get angry.  God, help me to know the words to say and when to say them and to have the courage to speak out when I know it’s time.