Psalm 91:5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day; This is an interesting verse. I ended up at Biblos.com because I thought it was interesting that it said the terror. There were a bunch of commentaries there that were pretty cool! Little kids develop a fear of the dark, maybe in response to a scary movie or story. They may fear monsters under the bed, but adults fear the things that sneak up – like fire, sickness, attackers, etc. And during the day, apparently sickness is often called God’s arrows. Other Jewish scholars interpret this to be like an angel of death. We can see these arrows, yet they fly swift and true. Sometimes they are calamity, other times illness. Yet, if I stay sheltered under God’s protection, I don’t need to be afraid. He directs the arrows where He pleases, and He can see into the darkest of nights. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever face these things, but under His wings He controls how big they get and the results of them. The arrow that flies may strike me, and I may die, but because it is sent by God and directed by Him, then it is not senseless or purposeless. In that, there is hope. To read more of these commentaries (which probably express the point better), head to Biblos.com.
I realized this morning that I live a lot of my life full of fear. It’s not an obvious, overwhelming, monster-in-the-closet fear, but it’s there. It’s subtle, subversive, sneaking and hovering, tainting life and love and relationships. Stealing joy and hope and peace. I see it in a hesitation to truly be vulnerable and open with my husband. I see it in my desire to be accepted, wanted, and needed in my workplace. I see it in my words when I write. I see it in my worship. I see it in my relationships. I think, in many ways, it’s the motivating force behind a lot of my life. Fear of failure, fear of being rejected, fear of being not good enough, fear of hurting people and then being disliked, fear of looking silly or being embarrassed, fear of not meeting expectations, fear of not knowing enough, fear of not being able to defend myself, fear of being hurt, fear that people I love will be hurt, the list is long. And it’s easy to point to verses where God says, “Do not fear…” But, it’s so much harder to actually not fear. What would life be like if I was never afraid? What would it be like if I were courageous and bold? What would be different? How would I be different? How would my relationships be different? There are 57 verses in the NASB Bible that have the exact phrase: Do not fear. That’s a lot! Here are a few of them: Genesis 15:1 “Do not fear, Abram, I am a shield to you; Your reward shall be very great.” Genesis 26:24 “Do not fear, for I am with you. I will bless you, and multiply your descendants, For the sake of My servant Abraham.” Exodus 14:13 Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; Deut. 1:21 See, the LORD your God has placed the land before you; go up, take possession, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has spoken to you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deut 3:22 Do not fear them, for the LORD your God is the one fighting for you Deut 31:8 ”The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Josh 10:28 Joshua then said to them, “Do not fear or be dismayed! Be strong and courageous, for thus the LORD will do to all your enemies with whom you fight.” 2 Kings 6:16 So he answered, “Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” (When Elijah’s servant was afraid because of the size of the opposing army, just before his eyes were opened to see the armies of heaven) 1 Chron 28:20 Then David said to his son Solomon, “Be strong and courageous, and act; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you nor forsake you until all the work for the service of the house of the LORD is finished. Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you. Isaiah 43:1 But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! Isaiah 51:7 Listen to Me, you who know righteousness, A people in whose heart is My law; Do not fear the reproach of man, Nor be dismayed at their revilings. Matthew 10:21 So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. 1 Peter 3:14 But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED, Now, if I can just believe what I know.
Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. I feel like the ground opened up underneath me, and I have fallen into the valley of shadows. In this place lies twist themselves into a disjointed song that weaves itself into a distorted version of truth. In this place the mistakes of the past are recounted and counted, stacking themselves against me, plunging the scale further and further down – guilty! In this place the light struggles to break through, and darkness and pain threatens to overwhelm. In this place it would be so much easier to lay down and give up, to stop fighting, to stop trying to explain. In this place I want to hide, cringing and crying. In this place the unexpected creeps up, stalking its prey until the final moment of attack. In this place the truth is trampled and turned, warped into strange angry shapes that are no longer recognizable. In this place time is marked by the bubbling of festering wounds left too long unattended. In this place pain not my own oozes from the ground, surrounding my feet, threatening to drown me in its thick, suffocatingly stickiness. Remember, it whispers, Not the goodness, faithfulness, kindness. Remember the mistakes, the hurt, the faults. Don’t let go. Remember…. In this place anger is a seductive dance, slowly swaying but getting faster, faster, faster, more chaotic, more erratic, more explosive. STOP! Darkness cannot win. I cannot stop here. Although I am powerless to unwind the lies and distortion, although I am powerless to undo my mistakes, although I am powerless to defend myself I am not alone. I am not defeated. In this darkness my only shield is Your truth. My only hope is Your presence. My only defense is Your gentle touch, a soft whisper that brushes across my cheek. In this battle for the mind and heart, I have no weapons save one – prayer. I have no strength to fight save one – Yours. I have no ability to rescue, but You do. You can. You will. _____________________________________________________ I am reminded of a song “O How He Loves” When heaven meets earth is an unforseen kiss And my heart beats violently inside of my chest And I don’t have time to explain all of this When I think about the way that You love me! O, how You love me! O how You love me! O how You love! And another “Overcome” We will overcome! By the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony Everyone Overcome! And another “Mighty to Save” Savior! He can move the mountains! Our God is mighty to save He is mighty to save! Forever, author of salvation, Our God is mighty to save He is mighty to save! And more… Jesus loves me, this I know! For the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, We are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so. I love You Lord, And I lift my voice To worship You, O my soul, rejoice! Take joy my King, In what You hear! May it be a sweet, sweet sound In Your ears.
Silence cuts more cleanly than a knife A back turned is a jagged shard scraped across my heart A disgusted retreat is a thousand glittering points plunged deeply into my soul I don’t know how a tear became an ocean I don’t know how a word became a wall When did one question asked in peace towards comfort Turn so dark, so deadly, so full of rage? Now I am alone Not quite alone I don’t know how to apologize for a crime I’m unaware of I don’t know how to mend a tear I didn’t know I caused. Are these shadows of the past Come to haunt and taunt and torment me? Are these old wounds left to fester until accidentally jarred? Are these freshly caused by me or Are these year and years more old? When I thought the thing was whole, When I thought all was resolved The the winds howled suddenly louder The the rain came lashing down And the silence was a slamming door at your back The lock so finally turning the rumbling thunder in the dark. My tears are spent My heart is frozen My hands tremble as I write. It is empty I’m confused It is quiet I’m shaking Is it done?
I can’t help but laugh at the almost comical difficulty I’ve had with the paperwork process necessary to secure the job I was recently offered. I’ve had difficult-to-obtain evaluations, duplicated accounts which needed explanation and clarification, overlooked faxes, forgotten reviews, and now the most recent iteration – fingers that won’t fingerprint! Yes, that’s right. I had to get fingerprinted (standard practice in education – I’ve had it done about 5 times now) and the machine wouldn’t accept the scans of my fingers! Finally after 30-odd minutes of trying to get a green light, they gave up and picked the best scans for each finger. The hope is that the ones they chose will be usable and I won’t have to go back and try again! How crazy is that?! At this point I’ve pretty much given up on making it to work for pre-planning and am praying that I make it for the first day of class. Yet He is Holy. Through all of that, He’s still in control. It seems to me that He’s still teaching me to walk in faith (as opposed to just “knowing” the right things). Ecclesiastes 12:12 The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. The word fear always makes me think of a tiny, skeletal man, cowering before a vengeful and furious (usually on fire) being. I don’t think that’s quite the image the author had in mind. Fearing God is one of those things that’s kind of “christian-ese,” like grace or faith. It gets used a lot, but not that many people really understand it. Strong’s definitions for this word include awe, reverence, honor, respect, and astonishment. That’s much broader than the terror and trembling I usually think of. It seems that often in the Christian world today, we tend to emphasize God’s love and downplay the more God-like qualities (like judgment and anger). While this might be good in the sense that it helps people to have a relationship with Him, it’s not good because God is called Almighty for a reason. He isn’t a giant teddy-bear or a wish-granting leprechaun. There’s a huge lack of respect for God today because we’ve read things into (and out of) the Bible. Part of it is the Hellenized culture, but part of it is that we’ve tried to make God “user friendly.” And while that’s all well and good, we’ve lost the awe and astonishment that precede reverence and respect. If, after searching the world and trying everything known and available to mankind, Solomon concludes that only two things matter and one of these is to fear (be in awe, astonishment, reverence, and respect) God, that makes it pretty significant! For me, that might mean being more aware of the complexity of the world He created, or it might mean really studying and discovering the qualities that God applies to Himself so I can know who He is. It might be treating Him less like a cosmic Santa Clause and more like an Almighty, awesome, incredible, overwhelming Maker-of-all-things in whom all things hold together (literally) and without whom all life would cease to exist. If you want to be amazed, read this forward I received from a friend the other day. It’s pretty cool!
Mark 9:22b-24 … But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” And Jesus said to him, ” ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, ”I do believe; help my unbelief.” I am so much like this boy’s father. I believe in my mind. I know all things are possible. However, translating my head knowledge into action is often quite difficult. This has been especially apparent recently with all the craziness surrounding my new job. I know that God has always been faithful in the past, yet I struggle not to freak out wondering if or how He’ll come through again in this situation. ”Silly rabbit!” In my honesty, my cry is the same as this father’s, “I do believe! Help my unbelief!” Seems like it would be contradictory, but there’s a huge gap between head knowledge and acting on that knowledge. I may know the bridge is sound because everyone tells me it is, but I truly believe them if I step out onto it and walk across. One step at a time. (Read Skip Moen’s post on this verse)
Psalm 119:147 I rise before the dawning of the morning, And cry for help; I hope in Your word. In Hebrew this verse actually reads something like: I anticipate (go before) the twilight and cry out for help. I await Your word. A couple of thoughts on this: To me, twilight is a peaceful time. In the morning it heralds the coming of daylight. In the evening, the world prepares to rest. Today I am anticipating the twilight. Circumstances have made life rocky and uncertain. I know God is faithful, and I cry out for His help – to smooth the way, to speed the process, and to give me peace as I wait. I await (anticipate) daylight, when things are settled and sorted and I can see a little bit. I anticipate evening when I can rest from the running around like crazy. I await Your word. When God speaks, things happen. His word is action. He spoke and the world became. He speaks and what He says is done. His word is law. He is never wrong (wrong is different from changing His mind). Therefore, I wait (today, anxiously) for God to speak. I know that what He speaks will be. His word may be “Peace, child, and wait with me.” Or it may be, “Remember my faithfulness!” Or maybe His word will be something I can’t perceive, but the angels know and obey Him. I don’t know. I don’t have to know. My job is to remember. And to wait. So I wait for the knots to untangle and for the unhill climb to level off a bit. And I remember that YHWH has always been faithful in the past. Perhaps He will wait until the 9th hour, when everything is impossible, to move in miraculous ways. Then He will remind me, “I am God! Nothing is impossible for me!”