“Then you will delight yourself in Adonai, and He will give you your heart’s desire. Commit your way to Adonai; trust in Him and He will act.” Psalm 37:4-6 There are two verbs here that stuck out to me: give and act. They have something in common. Neither have anything to do with me! My usual thought is to ask God, pray about something, and then do something, maybe “helping” it get going. I give the situation to God, and then I act, assuming that I’m doing what He wants me to do. But these verses are pretty clear. HE gives and HE acts. All the action that involves doing is done by Adonai, not me. So what am I supposed to do? Sit there? Well, yes, sort of. I have to delight in Him (trust, settle in the place He puts me, and feed on His faithfulness), and I have to commit my way to Him. I have to believe and trust. Trust is inaction in action. I can believe and then do nothing about it, acting contrary to my “beliefs,” but trust implies that I act on my trust (or in this case, not acting, but rather waiting an allowing Him to act, which I believe will be a good thing because I delight in Him and He loves me). Once again, my actions are unnecessary. God does the acting. God does the giving. I don’ t need to “help” Him. I just have to release control, let it go, and find joy in the One who loves me with a passion that is unfathomable! And that is amazing!
I just finished reading Rebecca Brown’s book, Becoming A Vessel Of Honor*, and one of the things that challenged me was the question of whether or not I trust God. Her stories are incredible, to say the least, and the revealed power of God is unquestionable. In one part, she says that God asked her whether she was going to believe Him or, essentially, call Him a liar. That hit home for me, because I often question whether God will do things. I call Him a liar when I don’t act on the truth that He states. For example, if He says He forgives us, and then we act like we’re still under condemnation, then we call Him a liar. More challenging, if He says that He gives us authority and armor so that we can stand against the attacks of the enemy, and we don’t use it or we question if it works, then we call Him a liar. I struggle with this a lot. I wonder if He delivers me when He says He does, I wonder if He will provide when He promises He will, I wonder all kinds of things even though they’re things He promises. So do I believe Him? If I say I believe Him, do I act as though I believe Him? Do I trust His word and live out my redemption, my deliverance, my provision? Ouch. What about you? * affiliate link
As I’ve learned more and journeyed farther this summer, not only have I gotten freer, but I’ve started paying attention to the things I say. Over and over, it seems I don’t speak in a way that is uplifting and positive. So, I’ve starting actually thinking a little bit more before I speak. Okay, so this doesn’t work all the time. There are lots of times when I think back and wish I could have said things differently, or more often, not said anything at all. But I’ve tried to stop saying, “I can’t….” and I’ve tried to speak things into my own life, and into my children’s lives, that are positive and that claim the promises given to us in the Bible. I’m reading a book called, What You Say is What You Get by Don Gossett. And no, it’s not a “pray for a fast car or lots of money and get it” kind of book. It’s about the words we say and the impact that they have on our life. Do I speak words of life? Or do I speak death? Do my words line up with God’s truth? I find that often my words lack faith. I know that when I speak in the name of Yeshua I carry the weight and authority of Yeshua to enforce His rule and reign, but I struggle to really believe that I have that authority. And the one who doubts is like a leaf blown and tossed by the wind. How do I finally believe what I know to be true? I desire a revelation of understanding that penetrates deep into my heart and doesn’t just sit on the surface. Oh, for childlike faith where nothing is impossible and everything brings delight and wonder.
These are thoughts in light of the current state of affairs in life. It was part of a longer post, but the beginning of the post is repetitive, so I cut it. In the Wilds It’s a chance to truly walk by faith. What else can I do? Out in this wilderness there isn’t any food except what God provides from heaven. And there isn’t any water if He doesn’t open a rock. There is nothing but thorns and rocks, and my feet hurt from stumbling. Yet, in the sunrise there is brilliant color painted across the sky. And there is laughter as my children play with the tumbleweed and examine the delicate patterns embedded in the stones. There is a cool breeze caressing my cheek that whispers “remember His faithfulness.” And there is a stillness and a quiet, where, over the pounding of my heart and the tears in my eyes, I am not alone. I will learn to hear, and to wait, and to walk. But mostly, I will learn He is Holy and sovereign and faithful. Hear, Obey, my child. YHWH is GOD, He is One. And I am not alone.
So do not fear for I am with you, Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. It’s funny how a song sticks with me. This one is a verse and a song and this morning it’s running through my head. Last night, my husband went to the emergency room with a severe case of diverticulitus. That wasn’t fun, especially considering that we don’t have insurance right now. Nor do we have the ability to pay for COBRA (and then I remembered that it wouldn’t matter if we did have COBRA because we decided to just cover the boys in the interim between insurances). I think there’s a drama queen side of me when it comes to situations like this. I know that God has been faithful in the past and has never let us down. Yet, I still find myself getting all upset and even a little angry. Why now instead of next month (which is after my insurance kicks in)? Why us at all? Why do my boys have speech delays and autism when we tried so hard to make sure we were being healthy and doing the right things, and other people who smoked and didn’t take much care have perfectly “normal” children? Of course, the flip side is, why are my children so healthy when other children have life threatening illnesses… and that puts it back in perspective. Why does it seem that we can never get ahead financially? There are so many questions that really don’t have answers. Then, of course, I’m reminded that it’s not about me having all the answers or knowing how it will all work out. The control-freak side would love it if it were though. Strangely John was much more logical and trusting than I was. Usually, I’m the calm one. He’s still sick, and I’m still totally unsure about how on earth we’ll pay any medical bills. If he doesn’t get better, and if he requires surgery, I have no idea what we’ll do. But, maybe that’s God teaching me that it’s not up to me to be in control of everything. I have no choice but to walk by faith. I’m in the wilderness. I’m walking slowly. I’m slightly terrified, but also exhilarated and curious to see what He’ll do to get me through.
Mark 9:22b-24 … But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” And Jesus said to him, ” ‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, ”I do believe; help my unbelief.” I am so much like this boy’s father. I believe in my mind. I know all things are possible. However, translating my head knowledge into action is often quite difficult. This has been especially apparent recently with all the craziness surrounding my new job. I know that God has always been faithful in the past, yet I struggle not to freak out wondering if or how He’ll come through again in this situation. ”Silly rabbit!” In my honesty, my cry is the same as this father’s, “I do believe! Help my unbelief!” Seems like it would be contradictory, but there’s a huge gap between head knowledge and acting on that knowledge. I may know the bridge is sound because everyone tells me it is, but I truly believe them if I step out onto it and walk across. One step at a time. (Read Skip Moen’s post on this verse)