Psalm 119:59 I thought about my ways, And turned my feet to Your testimonies. This one is something I’ve struggled with. I grew up so steeped in “tradition” that when God’s planted seeds of discontent started to grow I was astounded. I’ve certainly thought about my ways… a LOT. And there have been many times when I’ve considered the decisions that I’m making. Do I turn my feet to His testimonies? Or do I continue in the way I was raised ignoring that which I now know because the other path is easier? Robert Frost wrote the poem “The Road Not Taken” which has become almost cliche, but it is SO much like the path I’m walking. Here’s an interesting visual interpretation: I’ve had to make decisions that I’m very conscious of and that I still struggle with because what I want is not what He asks of me. It reminds me of the time Yeshua said, “Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me.” (or something to that effect) It’s not easy, for sure. The word for “to turn” is shuv. It’s a really cool word! It means to turn back, to return, of dying, and in repetition. In another form it means to refresh, restore, to bring back or repair. That’s a lot for one word (and there are about 20 other ways this word can be used with many different nuances and implications)! My choice to walk in His ways means all these things. I turn back to the original (His way), dying to my way, restoring his position as King as I obey His commands and repairing my relationship with Him. Here’s the poem by Robert Frost. The last stanza, especially, hits home here. The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim Because it was grassy and wanted wear, Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I marked the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference
Jeremiah 10:23-24 I know, Lord, that a person’s life is not his own. No one is able to plan his own course. So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle. Do not correct me in anger, for I would die. Ok, I know you’re thinking, what does food poisoning have to do with anything? Nothing, really, except that it’s my excuse for not posting anything yesterday. I know it wasn’t a punishment or anything, but boy, it would have been effective! I’m still reeling from it (and so is my husband – it sure was fun taking care of two little boys when we had food poisoning!). Anyways, I thought this verse was perfect for those times when I feel like I’ve been living in the desert because I’m living the consequences of my poor decisions. (Interesting aside: while writing I debated about whether to write “poor” or “bad” decisions. I chose “poor” because it sounded more proper and less harsh, but really, the decisions are just plain bad.) I know that correction is necessary. I discipline my children whether I like it or not, because it’s necessary to keep them safe and to show them the proper way to interact with the world. They hate it. My oldest son (who just turned two) starts screaming and throws himself on the floor when he is fussed at or disciplined in any way. It takes about 5 minutes and then he’ll come over and want to snuggle, but initially he is really mad (or maybe upset that he disappointed us) and doesn’t want much to do with whoever disciplined him. We do that with God. I know that I’ll do something stupid, God allows the consequences of my actions to catch up with me, and I get mad at Him for doing it. Thankfully, God loves us and doesn’t just throw up His hands in disgust. So, my prayer, like Jeremiah’s, is for God to be gentle in His correction and not correct me in anger, because I am just a small human and cannot stand up to the wrath of God. Right now, I think I’m feeling the consequences of my actions (no, not the food poisoning, the financial spot we’re in). It’s been really, really hard. But, like I put in my last post, I’m not going to look back at the reasons I am here (I already know those reasons and don’t need to sit here rehashing them over and over and over); I am going to look ahead and try to learn from my mistakes so that I can move forward, hopefully out of correction and in a new direction. Lord, be gentle, please!
I don’t know the verses on this but it’s in Genesis. I was thinking this morning about when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son, Isaac. The servant went to Abraham’s homeland and asked God for help. He asked God for a sign: if the girl gave him water and also got water for his camels, she was The One. This made me wonder…. how many girls came before Rebecca? How many girls offered this servant water but ignored his camels (especially since they can drink so much)? I wonder if there were times when a beautiful girl out to get water and offered some to him, and he was tempted to say, “She’s gorgeous, and she offered me water. I’ll pick her. I’m sure Isaac will be very happy.” I wonder how many times that poor man wished there were a bathroom nearby! Ultimately, Rebecca came out and gave him water and got water for the thirsty camels (who were probably even more thirsty by this time). Isaac loved her the minute he saw her (at least that’s the impression we get in Genesis), and she later gives birth to Esau and Jacob (who was renamed Israel). And I kept thinking of how many times I am in situations like Abraham’s servant. I have a choice to make – maybe a new job, a home, a car, a husband (or wife – whichever is applicable in your case) whatever – and after praying, there are certain standards that I am looking for or that I feel are really important. The first one I see isn’t necessarily the right one. I might find a job that offers a lot of money, but I would have to do things that aren’t necessarily ethical. Or I might find a really amazing house, but it’s a bit more than I can afford. Or I might meet a guy who is handsome and sweet, but doesn’t love God. And, it gets tempting to say, I want this and it’s so close to perfect, so I’m going to choose this. We ignore the fact that it’s missing crucial parts or that it’s not the best choice; we forget to trust that God has the perfect thing coming, and walk away with second best. And often, we end up disappointed, hurt, broke, or worse. It boils down to trust. Do I trust God to bring me the perfect thing that meets all the criteria? If I do, I won’t settle for the first thing that looks pretty; I’ll wait for the one that has everything I want and need. Sounds simple, right? Just don’t pick it if it doesn’t pass the list. Yeah, not so easy. Impatience and doubt sneak in easily, and I can so easily talk myself into something. But ultimately, I have to ask myself, “Do I trust God?” The answer to that makes all the difference.