Numbers 17:4-5Put these staffs in the Tabernacle in front of the Ark of the Covenant, where I meet with you. Buds will sprout on the staff belonging to the man I choose. Then I will finally put an end to the murmuring and complaining against you. The context of these two verses is that the Israelites were still grumbling about Aaron’s family being the ones chosen to be priests. It seems that this was like being royalty and the people were jealous (hence Korah’s rebellion). God finally said, enough is enough. Put all the staffs, one from the leader of each tribe with his name inscribed on it, in front of me and I will show you. Well, sure enough, Aaron’s staff not only budded, it blossomed and produced almonds! That’s pretty conclusive proof of God’s will. In my life, I yearn for affirmation, especially in areas like singing/worshiping and teaching/curriculum. I’ve struggled with this for years. And, often, God gives me affirmation from people, just not always from whom I want it. I greatly desire to see myself the way God sees me because I know He affirms me and has given me the gifts I have. I think it’s a lot like a woman’s desire to know she is beautiful. Every woman (I think) has a desire to know she is beautiful and wanted. We express it different ways, but it’s there. For me, I expressed it in modeling (when I was in college). But, now I have the love of an incredible God who has given me the love of an incredible man. I know I am beautiful in their eyes and that is enough… but I still want to know I do well in these other areas, that what I do matters. I seek the acknowledgement of this from people around me and in authority over me. Why is it not enough to know that God gave me gifts and therefore they are good? I don’t know. There is a song called “Royalty” by Alberto and Kimberly Rivera that basically expresses how God sees me and it’s an amazing song. The first time I heard it, I cried. I will try and post the lyrics one of these days soon, but I don’t have time today. It speaks to the longing in my heart to know I am important and good and lovely and valuable. Affirmation from God. And I still pray to see myself through God’s eyes, instead of seeking to find myself in the eyes of others.