One thing I’ve found as I’ve searched and explored is that I’m no longer certain about some of the beliefs I thought I was certain about. I no longer completely understand how some things fit together, nor do I understand how to do many of the things that I thought were basic. The conflict between my western/Greek theology and the Hebrew theology that I am learning is so great that I feel like I walk on egg shells. How far does God’s grace extend? Does he understand that I am trying my hardest to be obedient to Him, to worship Him the way He wants to be worshiped, to pray the way He wants to me to pray, and to live the way He wants me to live? If I get it wrong, does His grace take into account how much I want to get it right but don’t know how because it’s been jumbled in 2000 years of politics and confusion? I sure hope so.
There is really only one thing I do know for sure: YHWH is God. He is ONE. The only one.
I also know that Yeshua came as a man and died and rose again for me, to repair the relationship that was severed in the garden. And I know that the Torah is my act of obedience in response to Him. It doesn’t save me (only God’s graciously attributing righteousness to me can do that), but it shows me how to live as a citizen of His kingdom. I helps me be “set apart” from the world.
Beyond that, I’m a little confused and uncertain. I don’t know how singing praises fits in to all of this, and I don’t know how sacrifices and such fit in so long ago, and I don’t know how these things that seem to attack my brother-in-law and husband fit it, and I don’t know how to apply a lot of the things I’m learning. Sometimes I wish the answer was more obvious.